Yesterday my good friend Writes Like a Girl wrote a brilliant blog and well... I was inspired to write my own version of it.
I honestly don't know if my dog loves me or hates me. I know that you're inclined to say that he loves me and that's true 99% of the time, but the other 1% is literally an 80lb dog who is convinced that I will steal his toy/food/toilet paper ball/piece of kale. He thinks that after I do that he will inevitably starve to death and die. He will protect his 'resource', as the professionals call it, at all cost even if that means biting his mom, whom he loves the other 99% of the time. I can't for the life of me bring myself to get rid of him because I know what that means. And a small part of me knows that a very small part of the reason I can't bring myself to get rid of him is that I'd have to explain it on the internet. And I can't for the life of me get my father's voice out of my head either-- "He's a wild animal, Chelsea. You can't trust him." But he has to know that I trust him or that makes him feel insecure about his "resources". He may not love me 100% but I realize that the sheer time I spend thinking about him and his security and whether or not he loves me indicates that I love him.
Sometimes I look around the room and wonder how all the stuff that I've left lying around got there. Why that cool Swedish designed brush I bought from Ikea for $3.99 is lying on top of my desktop keyboard. Right now there are 6 cups sitting around me as I sit in the living room floor at my laptop. Only 4 of the 6 cups are mine. And 2 are from today. So that's not that bad, is it? It is. I'm just not naturally a very tidy person. I actually have to work really hard at it. And on weeks when I'm busy? It's the first thing I stop working hard at.
I try everyday to stay hydrated and for some reason it feels damn near impossible to actually do. I just don't think about drinking water that often, though I should. I only think about drinking water when I'm swimming in a pool alone and bored. But I can't drink it because it's sitting on a bench forever away from me. My husband is super good at being hydrated. He's actually super good at most things. I really love water. I enjoy drinking water, but the task of actually making myself drink a certain amount is something that I have to constantly train my brain to do.
To sum up in the words of Nicole:
I'm just saying, as a reminder, Instagram is far from real life. If you've ever looked at my feed and thought, "wow, Nicole (or Chelsea!) sure does have her life together," be warned that I do not. I have no idea what I'm doing the majority of the time -- just like everyone else!