Glad.


She doesn’t know exactly where she is headed. She thinks maps are a bit stupid and compasses are way better, and that’s just because she’d pick direction over a destination in a swift and anxious heartbeat.

I just plan to be that girl. The one who can hold up her hand and say, “That’s enough. I am done with the little lies of worthlessness. I am actually a major blessing in this world. I am a major blessing who has managed to build up impossible standards in my head that I never plan to meet. And lord, I am so ready to rip those standards down.
— Hannah Brencher

Y'all... moving is hard. With tears in my eyes, sitting in an Ikea parking lot,  I looked over at my loving and confused husband and I said 'THIS CAN'T BE BOTH MISERABLE AND THE BEST THING WE'VE EVER DONE ALL AT ONCE.' But sometimes it is.

Today was hard, but today was also joyous. We found an apartment. We picked out some new furniture. We have a move in date. We have a mailing address. We are blessed beyond measure. But the scary things creep back up and I am reminded that only one of us is employed, I have no photography work or prospects lined up, I know nearly no one here, and living in a new place is confusing. 

I know moving here was awesome. I love celebrating things and feeling feelings and getting excited about stuff, but sometimes the fear gets in the way of all of this. I have this overbearing fear that keeps creeping up and I will tell you what it is because I trust you: I'm afraid this is all temporary and for some reason it's not going to work and I'm going to have to move back to a life that doesn't exist anymore. 

But I push on. I pray. I work hard. I count my blessings. I believe it will all work out and I put my faith in something bigger than me. And I push forward. 

I promised I'd be honest with you and the list of things that scare me right now is a mile long. I like to try and combat that list with the good stuff. 

My Pendleton blanket (a birthday present from Tuck), my planner, Chinese food for dinner, a husband who has grace for me when tears fall uncontrollably from my eyes, records, silence, books (I'm on #3 of the year!), being warm, slippers, gummy candy, a nice and caring realtor, the way Tucker looks at me first thing in the morning, grace, provision, finally getting over a cold, starting a new job next week, a place to stay in Austin right now, a new home in a week, a new mailing address, Ikea, walking around a new place, living in a new place, encouraging text messages from good friends, cats, new neighbor dogs, the Bible, pizza, the fact that I'm not a bottler, Maine Root soda, and the fact that we actually totally did this!!!!

Here are some photos from my daily photo essay project. Our days have all sort of looked the same so I'm just clumping the past few together. These photos make me a little emotional even now. I'm so glad we did this. 

Photo Jan 08, 10 08 47 AM.jpg